Author Archives: Joe Lawson

About Joe Lawson

I'm originally from Memphis but I've been a Mis'sippian most of my life. I'm a happily-married and proud father of two great sons and daughters-i-L and five grandkids. My wife and I are both Christians and church pastors.

Serendipity

I like Wikipedia’s definition of that word. “Serendipity” means a “fortunate happenstance” or “pleasant surprise” — like if you find something good while you weren’t looking for it. Such serendipity happened to me recently and I think the story of how it happened is a good lead-in to an article I’d like to share.

Like three billion others with Internet access, I’m on Facebook. In fact, at times I’ve been so onto Facebook that my page is joe.lawson1 — the very first Joe Lawson page. Now the serendipitous part of that was I happened to be on the Net at a few minutes after midnight on the morning when Facebook started allowing us to use our real names for usernames. And since then, I’ve been serendipitously blessed to gather “Facebook Friends” which really do include a bunch of my real-life friends along with some other “friends of Friends” with whom I usually share an interest besides our mutual acquaintances. And I’m also blessed to be from the South — as in, the southern United States — where we have an old tradition of figuring out how we’re related to people. And with that being so…

I was once serving a church out in the Mississippi countryside about 35 miles south of Memphis, Tennessee when I met this fellow named Tom. His family was one of the older ones in the community, which in the South allows a certain connection to churches which one’s kinfolk have attended. His had, with mine. And even though we didn’t have a close connection even by denomination, Tom was seeking a pastor to perform his wedding. Besides the family and neighborhood connection, United Methodist’s ecumenicalism (big word meaning “we try to get along with other denominations”) made it a good choice for a Western Catholic/Eastern Orthodox marriage. Somehow, he’d met and fallen in love with a woman in Russia over the Internet. Between then and now, we became real friends, performed the marriage of Tom and Yelena which only lasted a few years, but we’re all still Facebook Friends (or at least, I am with them).

Fast-forward a few years, and I was recently intrigued by one of Yelena’s Facebook posts which included a picture of a man sitting on a dock facing the water with his arm around a little girl. Her post in Russian (thanks to Fb’s translator) was “How many years have to live it to understand?! It took me 30+.” Unfortunately, my inability to read Russian coupled with the difficulty of further operating an online translator, left me wondering what important life-truth she’d missed — and now I was missing too, so I commented my problem on her post. After all; I’m a church pastor — supposedly someone with the answers to life’s problems or at least someone who knows where to look them up.

And not too many hours later, one of her Russian Facebook friends (now one of mine too!) posted the link to the answer. It was a newspaper article on responsibility by American writer Harry Browne (1933-2006). Remarkably, this piece of advice has traveled via print and the Internet from Tennessee to the other side of my world and back. Written in 1966, it addresses the issue of “entitlement” which sense afflicts a great number of Americans in general and a significant number of troubled churchmember families I’ve counseled with. Like Yelena, I (and they) wish we’d had this article 30 years ago. Through serendipity and Yelena, Dimitri and now me, we can share it with several who need it now.

Тебе никто ничего не должен

A Gift for My Daughter

by Harry Browne

December 25, 1966

(This article was originally published as a syndicated newspaper column,

dedicated to my 9-year-old daughter.)

It’s Christmas and I have the usual problem of deciding what to give you. I know you might enjoy many things — books, games, clothes.

But I’m very selfish. I want to give you something that will stay with you for more than a few months or years. I want to give you a gift that might remind you of me every Christmas.

If I could give you just one thing, I’d want it to be a simple truth that took me many years to learn. If you learn it now, it may enrich your life in hundreds of ways. And it may prevent you from facing many problems that have hurt people who have never learned it.

The truth is simply this:

No one owes you anything.

Significance

How could such a simple statement be important? It may not seem so, but understanding it can bless your entire life.

No one owes you anything.

It means that no one else is living for you, my child. Because no one is you. Each person is living for himself; his own happiness is all he can ever personally feel.

When you realize that no one owes you happiness or anything else, you’ll be freed from expecting what isn’t likely to be.

It means no one has to love you. If someone loves you, it’s because there’s something special about you that gives him happiness. Find out what that something special is and try to make it stronger in you, so that you’ll be loved even more.

When people do things for you, it’s because they want to — because you, in some way, give them something meaningful that makes them want to please you, not because anyone owes you anything.

No one has to like you. If your friends want to be with you, it’s not out of duty. Find out what makes others happy so they’ll want to be near you.

No one has to respect you. Some people may even be unkind to you. But once you realize that people don’t have to be good to you, and may not be good to you, you’ll learn to avoid those who would harm you. For you don’t owe them anything either.

Living your Life

No one owes you anything.

You owe it to yourself to be the best person possible. Because if you are, others will want to be with you, want to provide you with the things you want in exchange for what you’re giving to them.

Some people will choose not to be with you for reasons that have nothing to do with you. When that happens, look elsewhere for the relationships you want. Don’t make someone else’s problem your problem.

Once you learn that you must earn the love and respect of others, you’ll never expect the impossible and you won’t be disappointed. Others don’t have to share their property with you, nor their feelings or thoughts.

If they do, it’s because you’ve earned these things. And you have every reason to be proud of the love you receive, your friends’ respect, the property you’ve earned. But don’t ever take them for granted. If you do, you could lose them. They’re not yours by right; you must always earn them.

My Experience

A great burden was lifted from my shoulders the day I realized that no one owes me anything. For so long as I’d thought there were things I was entitled to, I’d been wearing myself out —physically and emotionally — trying to collect them.

No one owes me moral conduct, respect, friendship, love, courtesy, or intelligence. And once I recognized that, all my relationships became far more satisfying. I’ve focused on being with people who want to do the things I want them to do.

That understanding has served me well with friends, business associates, lovers, sales prospects, and strangers. It constantly reminds me that I can get what I want only if I can enter the other person’s world. I must try to understand how he thinks, what he believes to be important, what hewants. Only then can I appeal to someone in ways that will bring me what I want.

And only then can I tell whether I really want to be involved with someone. And I can save the important relationships for those with whom I have the most in common.

It’s not easy to sum up in a few words what has taken me years to learn. But maybe if you re-read this gift each Christmas, the meaning will become a little clearer every year.

I hope so, for I want more than anything else for you to understand this simple truth that can set you free: no one owes you anything.

“Breaker-Break!” (Or so we started CB conversations in the 1970’s)

Maybe you remember those days. For whatever reasons, Citizens Band radios exploded in popularity in the mid-70’s and I just had to get one. It was kind of like the blogs, Facebook and Twitter of the day but in audio only. Kind of like the cellphones before smartphones, only without the ability to keep it one-on-one private and within a limited radius. CB’ers had their own lingo and instead of names we had call signs — usernames called “handles” which often related to our jobs or interests. We’d turn on, tune in and try to insert ourselves into the multitude of others within the 15-mile legal broadcasting range who were also trying to cast their relational net in the sea of 23 channels (later 40, not counting the single-sidebanders).

“Breaker, Breaker,” we’d announce our presence and desire to break into the radio channel’s conversations. And since the most common use of mobile CB’s was to find the fastest route while avoiding getting a speeding ticket, that was usually followed by something like, “How ’bout ya over there, westbounders on highway 78. Got your ears on? What’s it look like back toward the T-town?” And hopefully we’d hear something like, “You’ve got Big John in the Flying M” — the logo on Merchant Truck Lines 18-wheelers — “and you’ve got clear sailing all the way, so put your pedal to the metal. Have a nice night tonight and a better day tomorrow, good buddy. Big John on the side.”

And meanwhile, there was a growth in the use of “base stations,” who were non-mobile CB operators. Some number of those enjoyed trying to see how far they could increase their broadcast range by using powerful linear amplifiers. If one of those folks happened to live nearby and “tied a knot” in his antenna wire as that was called, their chatter would come through television sets and even over common radio speakers that weren’t even turned on!

And that brings me to a point. While I was once trying to reason with one of those overpowered neighbors, he loudly informed me that he’d bought his very expensive amplifier because “I want to talk!”

Well, CB’ers are still around and now we have the bloggers and Facebook and other channels, just – so – we – can – talk.

Actually, we don’t just want to talk, we want to be heard. Even the largely millennial population of texters who may not actually be flapping their jaws but tapping buttons instead, want to be heard. And not just heard, but somehow to be recognized as individuals, noticed — even cared about. They — WE, you and I — want to make a difference and matter to someone.

Like the ancient Greek philosopher, Archimedes, who said “Give me a lever and a fulcrum and I can move the world,” we’ve hopefully found our motive ability in our words. Whether our goal is to move THE world or just yours and mine, I’m talking and in some way, so are you. Comments?

Have a nice night tonight, and a better day tomorrow, good buddy!

In My Humble Opinion ~ But Anyway

If we’re lucky, sooner or later someone will ask us, “Who are you — really?  And that question begs a truthful answer.

Really, I’m a Christian.  Oh, and there’s lots of other stuff like, Male, Married with grown children and grandkids, American and from the South,  United Methodist pastor, Senior Citizen nowadays, and so on.  “Who are you” is an existential question and we exist in different shades of our characters according to what’s going on and where.  

I see the truth in that more so online on Facebook and other comment-type webpages these days.  It’s amazing to me, the things some people will reveal about themselves from behind the relative anonymity of an avatar and a username.  On the bad side, some are merely trolls and haters who find the Net a fertile hunting ground for those they can victimize, but on the good side I hope that the rest of us gather on the Net and roam these sites to search for kindred spirits with whom we might commune.  And hopefully then we can retreat to our screens and keyboards to socialize and soak in the company with others who reinforce the good in us.

One of the difficulties of gathering our electronic communities from Facebook, Twitter and others is in the brevity of contact with those who may share our interests.  A shared picture gives us a possible glimpse of someone’s qualities, but is it really, and how do we deepen our trust in the e-World of short posts and comments?  We need a place to share the things that matter more than “Like, Comment, Share” or 144 characters of our momentary thoughts.

For me, that’s why this page is here.  Hopefully, for you also.